You walked into my gloomy life when I was lost in a world of despair. You worked your magic on me, I began to feel alive, I began to talk to someone again. From a stranger, you turned into my life, sis. I waited hours just to talk to you, waited for the last seen to turn to online and hopefully in typing.
You became the closest person in my life, I think you don't know that. I shared my deepest secrets with you, the ones the world never would think they exist. You loved my philosophical thoughts though you didn't understand much of it yourself. Oh god! I had planned so much for this Raksha Bandhan, but it is futile now, you have gone, you no longer are a part of my life.
I scrawl this letter up in hope that it will wend its way to you. I sometimes whimper alone, in hope, it might comfort but it doesn't, it still hurts you know knowing you are there but I can't reach you. I didn't know what we wrangled about, I still don't but I have no malice against you dear.
I think of you at nights sometimes when the moon is at its zenith and no anger comes out dear just love; just love and a hope for reconciliation.
I was afraid my dear, afraid of the darkness, the shadows that lurk out in the open ready to devour the very existence of my happiness. I was afraid to recall those sweet memories that faded away in my mind like a relic of the past. The echoes of fear kept ringing in every inch of my body, fear to love and to live.
I was very afraid of the world yet I appeared to stay strong but do not mistake it with reality, it was a mask to hide my true self from the predators that hide in the society sniffing the world for a stench of fear and destroy its source. I never wanted to be alone in this madness but I was afraid to love, trust and befriend; I feared betrayal and abandonment and thus I stayed alone.
I confined myself to isolation behind the walls of darkness and solitude but then you came in, riding on the horse of life; you barged in right through the door of my heart, wielding the sword of love and you broke my walls and freed me from my chains of fear.
Your persona carries a certain charm that gravitates my heart toward yours, you were gutsy enough to challenge my fears. You walked in my life and you gratuitously pulled me out of those dark trenches where I had lost the reason to smile; you just walked into my life and made it worth living.
In those eyes of yours, I see no joy anymore, only pain. You stand alone, broken & desperate on the verge of self-destruction. I still recall how gracefully you used to be yourself and how easily I could be myself with you.
You were pure energy my dear, a force to be reckoned with. Your soft voice had the strength to stop the hurricane winds with ease. Your deep brown eyes carried with them mysteries unknown, so fascinating that they could freeze even the strongest of men. I long to feel all of them again, as today you smile a fake smile, your beautiful eyes are red from months of insomnia.
I urge to know what happened with you dear, why you changed. We had something between us, a special bond forged of love and trust, but it was not of love, but of friendship. I could see in your eyes and tell what you were thinking, so strong was indeed that bond. I was there for you and you were there for me so I wish I knew what happened, I wish I knew what changed, I wish all of it never happened, I wish that you never changed.
"Why did you steal my cake?", the 10-year-old girl asked her classmate. "I ate a slice of it, I was hungry." Replied the 11-year-old boy, "I am sorry,"
"Hey you can share my lunch when you are hungry." the sweet little girl told him after a few moments and this is how the foundation of their everlasting friendship was established. From strangers to lunch buddies to friends to best friends they went through it all.
14 years later, she wrote to him, "You are my life, you first stole my cake and then my heart. I love you, my best friend." That day, that moment, that cake changed their life for good.
"Why don't you leave them?" they asked me. "How can I, they are my friends," I replied, drunk. "But what have they given you, pain and suffering, don't you think you deserve better?" the bartender inquired. I took a bottle of rum and gurgled it down my throat. I was all alone in this place, maybe the bartender was right or was he?
"Yes they have caused me pain sometimes" I replied finishing my drink, "but the things they have done for me outweighs the pain." "I ordered another drink and continued speaking, " they have stood by me through thick and thin. Whenever in my life I felt alone and depressed, they were there to console me."
A certain group of people had gathered around me, listening to my words. I carried on, "This is a cruel world, this place but these people made it feel safe. It felt like to have a source of sanity in this not so sane world. They love unconditionally, throughout your life. You might not meet them or call them but they are always there for you, just like the stars at night."
Everyone had turned their attention towards me by now, it might have felt awkward to go on in normal times but all the rum had gone up my mind by now. "Isn't is strange how a stranger turns to a friend and becomes a big part of your life, it is strange." I said coughing up due to over drinking, "they become integrated into your life, in your way of living, in your everything."
I could hear some of them murmuring among themselves. I turned to a bright young fellow, filled with life and rage, "What are you murmuring about?" I asked him. "Where are your friends now, eh? They ain't celebrating with you?" he hooted.
"My f-friends" I stammered, "they will be here, they should be." I heard a series of boo followed by remarks from my friends. I could not resist and punch of the guy's nose. "You swine!", he cried out in anger while wiping the blood off his nose. He stood up and started cornering me, I could hear the crowd going wild, hooting and taking sides; and why not they are getting free entertainment after all. I thought I was a goner. I could see him angry, ready to beat the crap out of me when I heard a 'bam'. I thought he hit me but what I saw was him, lying on the ground.
"Sorry, we are late," a very familiar voice said. "I thought you all will never come." I replied dusting the clothes off, "What took you so long?" "Your speech about us." they replied in chorus and we all burst into laughter.